so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
