I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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