I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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