I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
