I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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