youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
