We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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