She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You pole danced in your parka.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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