I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
