I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
soo... how was my night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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