Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
