You work out of a Hotel?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
