dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
