We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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