I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
