Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
