Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
