I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
