you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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