Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
