these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
