just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
