Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
