i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
