I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
