All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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