bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
