Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
