this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
