Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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