i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
