is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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