Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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