We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
