I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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