Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is the high leading the old right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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