so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's never too late to be topless.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
