32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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