he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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