ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
