my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
