More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You smell like stripper and shame
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
