you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
