this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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