I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
