I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
