You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
