just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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