I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize