i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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