drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
