Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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