So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
