a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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