Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
