Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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