Cold hands, warm shart.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
