marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
