When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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