i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I met the friendliest cop last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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