Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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