She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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