Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
