My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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