Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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