I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
