What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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