why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
