At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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