scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
