at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
