got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my poor anus
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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