Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
