i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize