i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
