I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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