U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
