just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
