Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
