why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
