I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
