The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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