i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
