Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
