and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
