just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
